we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
