Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
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