check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
