party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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