I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
