peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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