If that was your dad, he is hot
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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