It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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