You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Girls should come with a carfax report
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You're a waste of cheezeits
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize