Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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