Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
