Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
