we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
