I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
