My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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