woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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