I'm really into asian looking animals
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
