kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
