from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize