New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
