oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
