matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
