This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
