I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
