It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
