If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize