i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
