we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
