guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
