i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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