people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
