On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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