He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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