the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
