I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
