dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
