3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
