I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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