i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Randomize
