Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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