Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
