Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
