How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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