mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
