yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
