So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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