So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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