Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I am spending my child support on dildos
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
