I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
