that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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