There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
