You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize