So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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