we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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