Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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