I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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