Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
