Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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