I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize