im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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