My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize