Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
