I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
