dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
