I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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