I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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