If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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