Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
