You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
