If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize