i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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