my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
