I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
When did we convert life to cartoon?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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