So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
