my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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