I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
