I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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