i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
