there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Randomize
