Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
