Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
