clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
