It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
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