it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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