Sry I called you an 8
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
