This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
40s are totally the cure
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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