FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
