You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize