Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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