A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
