OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
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