Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
