we're chasing vodka with high fives
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
