when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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