T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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