i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
