She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
