I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
