so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Life is so much better after having sex.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
