If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
No I am not eating basil off your cock
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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