Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
