Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize
