whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize