My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
