I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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